Fic: "Into The Night"

[wave_of_sorrow]

Title: Into The Night
Author: wave_of_sorrow
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Holmes/Watson
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 478
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't claim. No money being made.
Summary: Their world is built on if I could's and yes I would's and nothing ever comes of it.
Spoilers/Warnings: mentions of drug use
A/N: Fill for a prompt at shkinkmeme Based on/inspired by U2's Bad

Comments are love, bbs! <3

 

There are days when Watson feels like he’s the audience, a bystander, an onlooker; doomed to watch Holmes tear himself in two and unable to interfere, neither puppeteer nor puppet, something in between, something that is as insignificant as it is important. And Holmes, Holmes is the puppet in a play, a play that Watson is watching, a play he doesn’t understand. He’s missing something, he knows he’s missing something, but he doesn’t see what it is. Maybe he’s not looking close enough or maybe he’s too close, far too close to see it clearly. Or maybe he’s not even meant to understand. Maybe what he’s missing is that he’s not meant to see what’s missing.

 

Holmes thinks, pretends to think he’s the puppeteer, the playwright, pulling the strings, but he’s not and Watson knows it, knows that Holmes knows it. Holmes is the puppet and Lady Cocaine his puppeteer, pulling and yanking his strings, making him twirl and spin. And sometimes, rarely, very rarely Holmes will say things, things like if I could, you know that I would let it go or if I could…but this isn’t a choice I can make anymore. And Watson will say yes, you can, let it go…just let it go. And Holmes will shake his head. And Watson will say if I could, you know I would…would do anything, everything to set you free. And Holmes will smile sadly.

 

Colours crash, collide in Holmes’ bloodshot eyes, circles painted beneath them in blue and black. Their world is built on if I could’s and yes I would’s and nothing ever comes of it. And Watson thinks that if Holmes only wanted, tried, fought hard enough, he would, he could, but he won’t, he can’t. Holmes tries to explain it once, says it’s about the feeling of surrender, about being alive again, about escaping the pain and the desperation, says he can’t stop, can’t let go, that he’s afraid of letting go, afraid that he’ll fade away. But his eyes are seas of black, dark skies without stars, when he says it and Watson doesn’t think he means it.

 

Under a bruised silken sky Holmes says I’m afraid of what will happen after I stop, of what I’ll see and Watson holds his hand and says just let it go and you’ll find a way. And Holmes laughs bitterly and desperation flashes in his eyes, dull and brittle and not much of a flash at all. I’m so tired, Watson and I’m wide awake, not sleeping, wide awake and so, so tired and I’m not sleeping.

 

And still, he’s missing something, Watson knows. And sometimes, sometimes when it’s well into the night he thinks that maybe, maybe he’s not meant to understand. Maybe what he’s missing is that he’s not missing anything. Maybe what he’s missing is that there’s nothing he can do.



Comments

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. That's just brilliant in an angsty miserable kind of way. Good miserable, I mean.

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3

[0corona0.livejournal.com]

Savouring the tense angst here. Wonderful, thank you for writing!

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you, bb! ♥

[heeeeres-katey.livejournal.com]

You've taken my two favourite boys and one of my favourite songs, and turned it into a work of art. I applaud you.

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ♥

[anetolle.livejournal.com]

This is hurty and sad and painful in a good way. I love your writing style.

I’m so tired, Watson and I’m wide awake, not sleeping, wide awake and so, so tired and I’m not sleeping.

Oh, Holmes ♥

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Glad you liked it! ♥

[parparheaven.livejournal.com]

GAH.

*tears*

You're absolutely awesome

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

*hands tissues* Thank you, bb. ♥

[ewanspotter.livejournal.com]

D:

D:

D:

♥

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

:D ♥

[rechteckig.livejournal.com]

That's so beautiful! You think you could manage a little longer sequel?
Your writing is perfect and heartbreaking and I love how speech and action is flowing in another.

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm working on five fics at once right now, but when I've finished those I might give it a shot. ♥

[rechteckig.livejournal.com]

Looking forward to each of them <3!

[enkiduts.livejournal.com]

oh god, I just don't have words today---THIS.

Magnificently heartbreaking---with the ring of sobering truth in the final sentence.

Thank you, my friend.

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ♥

[kichisama.livejournal.com]

awww... poor watson. and poor Holmes for being too afraid to even try

[wave-of-sorrow.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading and commenting!